My writing process

It's probably somewhat different to that of a paid screenwriter. When I was working with my twin brother, we were very much into breaking down the plot and we had one of those charts on the wall which had a four-act structure, and post-it notes for scenes. Portrait of a Knight was possibly the only feature-length screenplay that we made together, as Bad Man was entirely Ethan Rodgers. Since then, Stephen's written two features and attempted to get an anthology of short stories off the ground. The irony is rich - we're identical twins, after all - and that's another reason that I've rejected any offers regarding that Tina movie. Stephen wrote a feature called Your Fair Face that was exactly the same idea as mine (but with his songs), and that was literally in pre-production with a cast and crew set to go, then the occupation of Parliament happened and he cracked under the pressure. Then he went totally insane and spent yet another night either in jail or isolated in the mental health ward... I forget which: he was in and out of those places for a while.

Of my brother's movie ideas, the other one was called Symbalah, and I thought that had a ton of potential, but the Film Commission called it incoherent ... that was part of his goal, and that was deliberately playing with screenplay form (much like my Tina scripts). If people want to talk about a movie that's authentic and uses original folk songs, then hit up my brother about Your Fair Face. He's much more comfortable fronting than me, as is obvious from his collaboration with Megan vs. my Dakumentary with Chloe and Gary. - There was no structure graph or any of that bullshit for my Tina script, and I quickly gave up on that for Shipwrecked on Islands 2030 as well. Portrait of a Knight was an extremely linear process - aping Sondheim - but most of my ideas for Just Like Yesterday came from real conversations that I overheard... I'm an expert people-watcher and have very sharp ears. I'm doing this solo, hence why I'm taking heavy doses of weed and alcohol. I'm honestly not such a big drinker socially, but I'm cultivating those dissociative trance states; that's probably not the most sane, rational thing to do, but creating stories isn't sane or rational. Shipwrecked on Islands came from a different place, which was my desire to tell a story that filtered all the news that I'd been reading at Isentia into something that was about something real (rather than the self-indulgence that Just Like Yesterday demonstrates). I'm never going to let anyone tamper with Just Like Yesterday, which is why I'm rewriting it as a book, but I'm seriously open to batting around radical revisions to Shipwrecked on Islands 2030. Like, if you think that my 2030 movie is problematic, let's have a robust, mature dialogue that accepts that the basic story premise is sound - because it's the same one as Goodbye Pork Pie - and that the basic idea of a scathing political satire is also fair. It's not just legally defensible, but morally defensible, to say that Just Like Yesterday was simply too personal and that I was unable to conceive it as a film because the subject matter was too personal, and the second the pros got involved it became too expensive, too gay rather than trans, and every single note felt like a personal attack. Unlike the Dakumentary, which was proudly trans and equally personal. - A lumbering morass that I'm trying to sink: that's how I feel about the pro industry and their total condescension towards me. My films were cheap and good, and if you think I need a good 'real' break, then let's talk Dirty Creatures as a He Kauahi Catalyst short, or let's get some seed development money for Shipwrecked 2030. If Michelle C wants a good break, then The Plaything as a He Kauahi Catalyst short with my script and her directing. - That's why I'm not exactly singing the praises of the pro screenwriter industry here, which is basically people that write for Shortland Street and have inflated egos. Everyone's been calling me childish about my stubborness, but if they'd simply called me up and said, 'we've seen your Ads, let's talk', then it's entirely possible that this protracted negotiation could have ended up more happily. It's not like I didn't send my script to my pro friends. There was certainly room for James Ashcroft or Paddy Gower to reply when I sent them drafts, but I can't really address notes when those notes aren't explained to me. To me, it's a bunch of code words saying 'be less you, be more don' or 'your politics are abhorrent and you're a monster for selling us out' ... those aren't notes that are justified by plot mechanics; those are emotional reactions that are probably rooted in envy. I'm fundamentally convinced that a real documentary which pulls back the curtain on trans NZ across the motu would be of more benefit, and it's not as though one or two of those scenes couldn't be used as recreations, though honestly that's not my style ... the dak film is non-linear, but those aren't re-enactments; those are all authentic clips. - My trans politics are my own. They're not that fringe within our community, which is why I've enjoyed strong support, but the mainstream gay community is way behind on this whole 'spirit' thing that is core to my belief of myself as like a woman. Also, the idea that 'becoming a woman' inherently = hormones and saline breasts is absolute and utter bollocks. Actually, people I've seen in the media that identify as whakawahine look more like me - probably because they're also ghetto trannies - and given that people saw that in me long before puberty, I'd say that it's an intrinsic thing and also that I do a lot of traditional women's work (except for cleaning: I hate that!). I like how the stubble makes me look when I'm in that confrontational mood, but generally I prefer to shave my face, arms and chest. -

There is no legal way to force me to let you co-write, stalkers, so simply be real and admit that I refuse to make an Ad for Victoria University of Wellington, and there is no way that I can be persuaded. I'm honestly willing to have my degrees stripped from me; it's not as though those are remotely important for my reputation as a filmmaker or a musician. I'm mostly proud to have said all the things about the arts economy, and I think that my attacks were mostly rooted in authentic feelings. I feel passionately that we're doing things the wrong way in the elite world of art music, and some of those people really hurt my feelings as a student. Who knew I had such a good memory for gossip? - That's acceptable political discourse in the mainstream world, but the world of fine art and art music is so incestuous that I became persona non grata, and I still am. No redemption for me, thanks. For me, the redemption was casting off the shackles of my tyrannical culture and writing the music that I really wanted to write. No resurrection for me, thanks. I never sought out Jesus comparisons, and I'm honestly sick of people referring to musicals that aren't my style as analogies. I'm not your typical bipolar stoner: that arrogance is all me, all the time. I'm Italian; that's where my flamboyance comes from. That's what my twin bro reckons. I compared myself to the saint that was my namesake, and I fought my enemies. I realise that they're sad that I won, but if this PR war is part of why VUW plans to close the NZSM, I honestly take that as a huge victory for me and everyone else that was chewed up and spit out by those elitists and their elitist system. It reminds me of something that a British expat said about elite soccer when I was a kid. Like, I was quite a good goalie: I made a Canterbury rep team when I was 11, and got an offer to try out for an elite soccer academy - Ken Yamamoto was on my club team. But the expat said something like 'they're selling these kids false hopes; the chances that they'll have a professional career are slim-to-none, so this isn't the best approach' ... I felt that Burnside was more realistic, while NZSM planted those seeds of a pro career in the minds of people that weren't likely to realise that goal. I could have. I chose not to. I chose to deviate from the pro path, and that was driven by my desire to make movies and write songs rather than writing a tedious thesis. It's sad that it's impossible to make a living in composition, so the 'pro path' for that is essentially lecturing. I'm not pop enough to make a living in pop, and I'm too pop for jazz. But yeah, I'd rather become a pro writer and editor. That's the Barbie that I want to know.

- To my critics: I'm studying; I'm just doing it elsewhere. I'm enjoying it, and I'm simply reminding my 'friends' that my screenplay isn't for sale, and neither is my body or voice. I'm also prepared to back up all the statements on my blog. Why wouldn't I? I can point to the ones that are OTT and say 'I wasn't well, but I still felt that way, and I still feel that way' -- also, I'm aware that they're paranoid delusions, but surprisingly that self-knowledge isn't enough to stop me from getting sucked into them. I'm highly self-aware. Those are my opinions, and they're usually presented in that light .. hot takes and reckons would be a good title for this blog. My message for the young people who want film tips: It's ok to dislike people, and it's ok to have creative differences. That's what contracts are for. I've kept my story straight for several years. My opinions might be weird and different, but that's valid; everyone's got the right to their opinion, no matter how hate-filled it might be.

- Suffice to say, I had a shitty time at uni, largely because I loved musicals and that wasn't hip, cool or avant-garde enough for my elitist teachers. I'd rather not pretend as if it was, and this is me pulling the fingers at some spoiled sods that might end up on the dole due to the higher-ups shitcanning them. I'm not terribly worried: they'll harden up -- there was a great quote about the Great Depression in that New Zealand quotations book. - Just Like Yesterday is the property of Amanda Michelina inc, and it is not the property of James Cain or Dave Armstrong or James Ashcroft (to list a few people👋). If the Wellington Police would like to speak to me regarding my disruptions, I'd welcome that dialogue. My guess is that you're all trapped between a rock and a hard place when it comes to my behaviour: talking on the phone isn't illegal, even if I'm a drama queen. Neither is having an opinion or spreading gossip. Badmouthing competitors is common, and I'm gutsy enough to say that publicly. Is it a joke? Well, yes, there's very much a sense in which my social media profile is a practical joke that I maintain to keep my sanity while dealing with all this SIS and political scrutiny that I've attracted since attending Question Time. It keeps me motivated. Crossdressing is totally legal, and the small-minded people who think otherwise are the people that I avoid. They cost themselves a star, and that's what I'm reminding them of... I don't want to share my music with bigots that wouldn't invite me to dinner. I'm very good as a cocktail/lounge-type musician, and that's my ideal setting: a small audience of people that give a shit about me, rather than entertaining a faceless blob. So, for me, the campaign for the safe consumption centre for drugs in Wellington is also about having a place to go and jam. Rebecca Matthews hasn't gotten back to me yet, but it took Tory's office a while as well. Our idea is changing; Gary's leaning towards a coffee-shop type pitch that is cannabis-specific, and splitting up the rotunda into various rooms for various substances. - I don't believe in that kill your darlings bullshit when it comes to writing: that's American, and honestly it took me over 2 years to write that first draft of Just Like Yesterday. Same with the Plaything - that took years to write. My process is a total process where everything that I do feeds into the big project (that, for me, is the 2030 musical). For example, my recent Another Day, Another Tragedy poem points towards the type of thing that Edgar might sing. Or the short films, which have some nifty VFX challenges that might provide clues on how to film Shipwrecked. - Lessons from my brother: He'd managed to get a cast and prepare a shoot, sans any assistance from the Film Commission, but he wasn't able to cope with that pressure of writing, starring and directing. Please take a hint and accept that I've said no to Tina. Part of why I've faced no jail time is that I learned from my brother's mistake, but also because I'm fundamentally doing something that is digital. Given our weak laws regarding hate speech and our weak penalties for harmful digital communications, I'd much rather pay a fine than be made over ... I made the Big Smoke, and then I was in hospital within days, so that wasn't a successful pitch, and was in fact me copying my brother's mistake. I'm not crazy enough to get respite care (ie not acute enough); since 2020, I've spent maybe a week there, but mostly I've been in my room. My politics are the politics of Just Like Yesterday. I refute identity politics, I think that social constructivist arguments of gender are total bullshit that some dyke made up from observing trans people, not an observation that comes from lived experience. I think drag is tacky, I think cabaret and burlesque are also somewhat tacky and that's my general opinion of live theatre -- even with a-list actors, I'd rather watch a movie or a sports match. There is a first draft, and I own those exclusive rights. I have no interest in rewriting it, particularly given the success of my serial version, so please focus your energies on how to make my 2030 screenplay better. That's fair. I've got other ideas for features, for operas and for shorts, so let's be much more grown-up about this... I'm not a one-trick pony, despite your attempts to pigeon-hole me as such. 👋