To the NZ Green Party

Yes, I'm Chlöe's close friend. No, I refuse to join. You've spent most of the last four years preventing us from dating or sleeping over. Even when Chlöe was at her worst, I might add... - In the last few months, it became clear that you weren't on my side re: the Beatles movie. That's because you're an international party with wealthy backers. Those backers were hoping to buy Sir Paul's catalogue. Now they're hoping to force Mx. Swift to tour endlessly. It's my understanding that the Eras tour caused a severe mental breakdown. Taylor's here to write a show, not to be a star. Her people aren't fools. They know the climate expense of pop tours is staggering. Paul's come to the same conclusion. Movies are greener. As the Green Party, you should celebrate our plans to use renewables instead of gas. - Your staffers harassed me and used sexual extortion instead of lunch meetings. National and Act did the same, but you should have known better. Kevin's not as much of a dick, but he still wants me under party control. - You can't make my relationship with Ms. Swarbrick conditional upon joining. Sorry. AMPP is my satirical party, and Te Pāti Māori is the party I'm a member of. I'm attributing a lot of the insults that I received from Wellington Greens to this. It's hardly a fair fight: I'm probably the only TPM member on the general roll. One could even call it racism... is that what the Greens are about? AMPP could be a useful ally, so long as you accept I'm independent.