Re: some of my choices. No, I'm simply not sexually attracted to Salina, but I'm also not terribly interested in being her friend. I like Briar, but she's dating someone.
It's the world you live in, classical girls, which is why I'm saying no: you may be tolerant, but your boyfriends will probably take a swing at me. I have no desire to live in repression with you: I hate rich people, and that's why I rebelled. -
I'm not interested in spending my life 24/7 on guard against bigots, and that is honestly how I felt as a student.
To be blunt, my homophobia was a reflection of yours, classical establishment. 👍 Plus the sleazy guys who came onto me... that was very real too.
- Laughing at my own blindness to romantic love: I always thought people hated me, but it was more of a mix of repulsion and fascination. That look that Don gives the lady in the Beautiful Things video lol.
I realise that now I have cultural capital out the wazoo which means I really can pick and choose regarding partners, and this is part of why I'm being a dick and pointing out that I knew all this stuff that makes me seem smart years ago, but people found me creepy and therefore didn't bother to listen.
Regardless of the drama, Chloe is still my first choice. I want to find out what her world is like, though it's very bougie and I have an instinctive aversion to that.
Which is why I'm not living with her, but I think I could hack it in Auckland. I've got a wide enough social network: if I was living in town, I'd reconnect with Cruz and Patria and there's also the cannabis whānau, plus whichever friends of mine from music school happen to be there at that time.
Yes, Lauren and Eilish are in Auckland too, but just because I love them doesn't mean that they'd agree to see me again. 👋