Road trip - day 2

It was alright. Long day, and I took a Zopiclone to sleep, so I was fairly out-of-it. I feel more than slightly coerced to come on this trip, but it's been nice to have a change of scenery. Gary doesn't like my singing, but he mostly doesn't like my music. Which is slightly frustrating. I can't really practice with that sort-of vibe, while I feel like there's a competitive thing about my concert idea that I'm trying to downplay rather than accentuate. - I had a jam waiting for the ferry. Even my cold, stoned fingers could strum out the Mist and most of Machine Fatigue. As I say, they're fool-proof. I can't do Shipwrecked On Islands, though; I came up with some key elements while on acid, so I'd probably have to study my videotape. - It's not cheap to travel, and while I'm not poor, I'm not rich. I'm turning down the uni. I do not want to be a lecturer, and that's final. 2020 me wasn't thinking rationally - 2023 me is quite rational. I'm sorry that you can't accept me as a woman, but that's not my problem. I'm not blaming my outbursts on the weed: I'm blaming them on people telling me how much I sucked as a person. I'm totally bringing my guitar to the weed launch, though. Christ hasn't seen me play, and apparently there's bands at the Saturday event, so I'll jam here and there. Re: the 'NO!' thing -- That's the battered woman thing: my mind presumes people are attacking me .. possibly PTSD-related; while Gary's bloody intense, he's not violent. He swears a lot, though, and I do reckon he likes yelling at me. - Why am I leaving? No. I'm not getting trapped in Wellington: that's what I'm scared of, and that's why I'm trying to leave. I changed my mind about whether I wanted to live the rest of my life in Wellington. I've decided I want to travel, and that's my idea of something purposeful. While Gary might not dig my singing, apparently it's a hit. - The stories and the book are my creative goal, though following the election I fully plan to finish the 2030 story. I'm willing to wait a few months to finish it, and it would be nice not to have another 3 years of people grumbling that I 'influenced' the Election. The Movie Orgys are an end unto themselves, which I've taken very seriously and am immensely proud of, but it doesn't mean I'm done with my visions of the climate change musical. That's my way of recycling the songs, I guess... I've used a fair few trunk tunes as part of Shipwrecked. We'll see re: Bad Man 2. I have very little faith in me to produce anything, but if Ethan was as driven as when he directed the initial series, then perhaps it could be effective. My vision for that is something like Wild Tales, which is a melange of different styles. - If I hadn't felt Jacindamania was so cynical, perhaps I wouldn't have done this whole Shadbolt-esque rant epic. - I can't remember my songs, but that's true of plenty of writers. Chris Knox is another one, and so was Sondheim. I can remember the rock tunes, though; I designed those to be easier to remember (for me .. for everyone else, they'll probs need scores). - As for playing music in the boarding house: well, I think I keep the music reasonable, and mostly before 10pm. Lucinda was around until 10ish. I have insomnia; an old flatmate of mine was a somnambulist, and that never bothered me. Lots of people like the ambient sound of TV or radio to keep them company, and that's what I'm doing in my room. I think that dude is crabby because the guy on the other side of his room also plays TV and films with the speakers on. I often hear ambient music when I walk down the halls. - Gary said he's not straight today, but we've never had that sort of a 'what's your sexual orientation' convo -- that's only something young people do. He's told me about women he was with. That's how I know that he's into women, while he's never told me about a man he was with. - The problem with the idea of me making a lot of money as a man is that I would never get to be a woman. That's why I'm not becoming Barbara. You see, for me, it's not the same to watch women perform my material. I felt that to convey the material that I should be fairly good, and I prefer to express myself as a woman. If I was slightly richer, I'd get some body hair lasered off, but that's about as far as I'm going with any cosmetic procedures. - I wrote a paragraph long-hand; I reckon I'll do my novella that way. I prefer to write in pencil than pen: the blackwings are cool, but I'm using a hard pencil currently. It's not really so much fun writing a screenplay when the eyes are on it, while my handwriting isn't that easy to decipher.