Re: Jake
- Amanda Riddell
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- Feb 4, 2024
- 2 min read
I never said that he raped me. I said he sexually assaulted me.
Indecent assault, which is what I think happened, is still a form of sexual assault.
And yes, that does apply even if the perp and victim are wearing clothes. I know, right? that seems like a ridiculous double standard given my lack of shame about my bulge, but I'm not poking my bulge into other people's private parts.
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So, yeah, we took MDMA; I came out, and he tried his luck to see how I'd react.
He took the no, but he should have asked first. I felt violated. I felt like he saw me as his basic bitch that he could control.
I thought that he'd been becoming more of a dick anyway, so I'm not that heartbroken that I'll never see him again.
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As for previous instances where he made me feel uncomfortable...
I remember asking him for help with my stretches -- I wanted to touch my toes, so he coached me through how to do that without bending my knees.
That was slightly odd, but afterwards he said that he loved my skinny arms, and I wasn't all that comfortable with that.
Plus the various times that he got too drunk and went completely mental.
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For the sports fans: this is like a Scott Kuggeleijn situation where it's 'he said, she said'
I didn't press charges because I didn't want to ruin his career.
I honestly thought that he was going to fuck off overseas to Sweden for his doctorate, so I didn't want to stand in the way of that.
Is this a sufficiently clear-eyed explanation that the classical scene can accept my truth?
Takeaway - I'm a poet. To me, the world 'love' has a thousand meanings. To most people, love = sex. That was a harsh lesson to learn, and that's from the entire journey of becoming Amanda, rather than just that moment.
Now, if you're wondering why I have only antipathy for those who want to say a variation on this phrase 'I really understood you better when I was overseas and homesick, and then I came across your Facebook page or your songs.' That's what Jake said. You saw what happened there... that's why I'm not listening to Salina or any of those people. Yes. That's what he said.
To continue the legal argument: MDMA and consent is a very grey area. One could indeed argue that I was in an altered state, and perhaps wasn't aware of how flamboyant my dress may have seemed. To be fair, Jeffery offered the drugs, so it wasn't a case of him exploiting me. We often took drugs together, so that wasn't abnormal. But if you're wondering why it was such a traumatic experience, it was probably because I was high on ecstasy. That moment ended a friendship that had been going on for almost a decade.