rant 30.5.2023

This is one of my running monologues from when I'm trapped in negative thought loops. This was mostly my YouTube feed driving me crazy, but it's more or less the same with any online media. Ideas of reference = crazy Amy. 🌧️ - I don't want to do a variety show.

I don't want to be Don the performer. Don the composer was what fascinated me when I rediscovered his music, and it was funny when I realised how similar my career already was.

I'm just not interested in feel-good TV for the bougie hipsters. I'd rather write/film something dark and disturbing.. the Plaything is what I'd use to test my roto FX. -

Why were people unwilling to simply buy my script? I thought that was a fair offer.

I disliked your pitch for my Tina show, but I didn't want to stand in the way of those who had their hearts set on that.

So, I was kind enough to offer the script. That was me being nice. Now, I'm crazy. -

It's not about whether I'm fat or ugly. It's about 'I'm not interested, your pitch underwhelmed me.'

That's my answer to the Film Commisssion. And Wingnut. Hire me to score a movie, rather than pushing me about a pop career that I mostly regret.

-

That was just me plugging my songs, but now I've plugged them and my focus is the 2030 musical.

I don't want to gig. I don't want to be a star. What I want is my friends to reach out to me and stop pushing me about acting.

Yes, you all enjoy it. I hate it.

-

No, I don't want to get high. [Well, I'm about to... that was 2 hours ago lol.]

This is 2 days running that I woke up in a shitty mood.

And I didn't sleep all that well last night.

It was probably around 4-6 hrs, but really interrupted. I kept on waking up..

I'm running low on money and on weed. That keeps me up at night, plus some strong coffee that I regretted when it was 2am and I was still awake.

-

I'm really annoyed at people and their desires to shove me into a box.

As Dave says, the no labels thing is far better.

But when it comes to the labels, respect mine.

-

Look, if people want lessons, then why won't they bloody well pay me?

And I'm not doing it as a guy. The parents of Wellington can accept their own bigotry is why there's a world-class guitarist who is totally broke.

I advertised legitimately and I've had 3 students over the last 2 years, but only Sasha has stuck around. That's slightly worse than how it was when I was Michael. I had more like 5-6 students. -

It's mostly my art that people are fascinated/repulsed by.

And that's annoying to me: it's free expression, and FB seldom censors anything.

So, it's basically a bunch of Karens and their younger, more self-righteous equivalents thinking their privilege gives them the right to tell me how to play or sing, or how erotic my art is allowed to be. 🌧️ That's silly. That's part of why academia doesn't really appeal to me.

I'm proud of my sound because I developed most of it alone in practice rooms.

It's a unique thing. -

But no UE. No series, no deal.

If I wanted to study, I'd go somewhere as a trannie.

I'm not ever going back to 'he' and misgendering me = you're not welcome in my world or my stories.

- Riffing on my news feed:

I can see why you'd analogise me to Frank Ocean, but I've only heard the one album of his. 👋

I'm not doing my Shipwrecked songs live. My live routine is mostly jazz standards, with some of my compositions and usually a classical piece or two. I'd do 'Tis You live, and possibly other Portrait songs. The Mist, maybe... I feel like it hasn't been overexposed, despite the Ad. People dig that tune. Re: my EP songs - after the musical, totally, but until I've got the 2030 musical happening, my feeling about those songs is that they've done well; however, if I was to perform them, then nobody would fund my wacky concept album. 🤑

I'm not a rock star; this was just a step on the way to furthering my dream of writing great musicals.

But no EAT, no Wellington story. Those are dead and I'd rather do time.