Is really productive: a big chunk of my life has been spent proving points to people, and I’m like McFly in that way, though calling me chicken isn’t a good motivator (I’m fine with being a chicken).
I’m always angry, and everyone who worked on the films will probably remember my temper. I’m not explosive, but when I’m really sour I tend to be one of those withering put-down people and because I’m sorta psychic, it often hurts.
To be fair, it’s not like I’m spared the rod: the things I say about my teachers are real, and most of my fellow alumni probably have similar stories. It’s a highly critical environment, much like elite athletics.
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And if I hadn’t gotten in touch with my anger, I wouldn’t have survived the transition.
The sheer idiocy that I had to face down during my early trans days was staggering, and is totally why I’m reclusive now. Including from some (formerly) close friends, so yeah…
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I’m lucky that the magic of music transmutes my main emotion - masochistic anger and drive - into the full rainbow of emotions that AM expresses.
But yeah the way and the reason I learned those skills was very extreme, and that’s what that David Foster Wallace essay nails.
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