Confirmation bias

I think that's what happened re: this idea that I wasn't writing down music as Amanda. Some of the songs weren't notated, but some were (Rose's song, for one). - Why is it confirmation bias? Well, people were hating on me for having a breakdown and revealing a bunch of secrets that people had confided in me, so naturally they decided to blame the cannabis... despite having a long history of regular use as Michael. And because cannabis is supposed to make you dumb, they naturally presumed that I was going downhill when I mostly improved my skills over the 2018-2024 period, with the exception of my fingerpicking, but that's a side effect of taking Lithium. As a result, I got really into strumming. So, my classical chops aren't at their peak, but I've probably never been better at rhythm guitar or improvising than I am right now. 🎸 - This is literally the entire saga of Amanda vs. musos - or film executives - that think they're superior to her thanks to their overseas studies. It's been like this for over a decade, and that demonstrates their total lack of respect for me and my years of composition training. They've never taken me seriously, and that's probably why my reviews are quite harsh. It is also a form of confirmation bias to believe that wearing male clothes could somehow make me more competent. That is not backed up by the evidence, which is that I got hired at RNZ on the back of the work that I'd done as Amanda the trannie. That is simply you lot stereotyping me. Was I behaving like some ditsy drag queen at the office, or was I behaving as a regular person that's quite shy (despite my clothes)? The answer - in my view - was the latter, aside from some karaoke in the wee small hours. - It's also confirmation bias to believe that Garyfilm or Three Sad Waltzes 'must' have been cries for help to get James and Cassandra to help me.

They weren't. Not even remotely... fuck I hate those two and their attitude! I think my enemies spend way more time thinking of me than I do of them, except for their constant jokes, insinuations and negging that plague me when I'm wanking or even when I'm just sitting in my room and typing. That's the illegal part, given that they're accessing my private life without my permission. They had no legal right to spy on my private life, and they still have no legal right to be doing that, given that neither of them is a nurse or a psychologist or law enforcement. - Another example: this persistent belief that I 'must' be autistic. That's actually the best example. As I've now demonstrated, there are numerous behavioural quirks that people thought were autistic, but are also symptoms of bipolar. Your continued insistence on attempting to treat me as if I was autistic, including calling my restless legs 'stimming' because you wanted to seed the idea that I was somehow unable to make my own decisions, and then using that to manipulate me, was deeply ethically and morally questionable. That failed. I genuinely think that's a nail in the coffin of my enemies, and a sign that those who listened to me weren't doing so for any other reason other than to attempt to force me into performing, singing and dancing for them. I get to say no, and they get to understand and accept how their bigotry has ruined my life. I have diagnoses: respect those. This feels like tall poppy shit: I'm good, and I'm a freak, so there must be something really wrong with me... I doubt that Amalia or Salina deals with that kind of stigma. - This drama re: was I 'in love' with Sondheim is also a good example. He's famous and he's gay, so people assumed that there was a sexual component because those May-December romances are now a stereotype that straight people aren't all that comfortable with. That's actually a form of homophobia: why is it so ridiculous to think that I had a pen pal that was an old man? This is the same attitude that led people to believe that Dakta and Gary were a couple, or that Dakta was creeping on underage people. There's still a really significant amount of homophobia in NZ. Some of it has morphed into the anti-trans stuff that Brian Tamaki is spouting, but mostly it's just gone from something that people say out loud to something that they whisper behind one's back. By the time I wrote that letter, he'd been in a relationship for quite a long time. - It's also confirmation bias to presume that I 'must' be a drag queen because I have a profile page that isn't the same as my personal page, and Gareth was a drag queen. What a crock of shit! If the page was still Riddell Productions, then people would be treating me like a businessperson. Amanda's my real name, and Amanda Michelina is like rappers giving themselves some funky, fresh, nom-de-plume. If I've managed to prove something, it's probably that large institutional bodies still aren't totally comfortable with someone that's queer and non-conforming. This is definitely a result of the current laws. - Why write this screed?

You've all spent years raking me over the coals for confirmation bias and paranoia, excluding the key factor that I was manic, yet here you are doing exactly the same thing. I'm mentally ill, and my brain sometimes gets confused... what's your excuse?