why do I use controlled substances?

Well, there was a quote from My Body, My Business that nailed it, but my answer would be that they help me move on from the bad memories.

And to cherish the good ones. Gary's spiel is that it 'enhances experience', which is also what the eggheads say too. I'm probably skipping the drug foundation symposium. I might film the Friday, but they haven't responded regarding my application to film on June 1 -- I hope that Gary gets what he wants out of that. 🧠 - Honestly I'm focused on getting back on the dole this week. That's my main goal. I'll still need to borrow more money, but the sooner the better re: the benefit and any disability allowances. Got my medical certificate today. - So yeah, when I say I have a trust fund, I don't mean that in the American sense of the word; it's just a trust that was established after my brother sold his house and I nearly gave it all away during a manic episode. So, my trust doesn't have dividends. In fact, it's lost money trading on the share market. Hannah has her money in a term deposit, but my Mum wouldn't go for that. It's already only $58,000, and it started with $74,000 or something similar. But I might inherit when Olga dies. Honestly, I have no idea... I'm able to do part-time work, but full-time isn't really viable for me. I usually quit within 6-9 months of a real job -- I'd rather score movies, but all those bloody AI libraries and stock music are taking bread out of my mouth. - As for my TV appearances: I'm slightly miffed that Paddy didn't include the Barcarolle, given I signed the licensing agreement when he visited the Daktory. I wonder how many of TV1 or TV3's news programs use music by NZ composers. I think that'd be worth investigating. That's how tons of my mentors earned money .. Ken used to arrange film sessions. I also can't find Bernie Rao's tape of the Portrait of a Knight reading. That was our first news story -- the one about 'kids inspired by Bmac's 300 wrote a musical' .. there was a video clip that Bernie shot for Yahoo! that was included. 🥝 We were there when he hit the runs btw -- it's the most packed I've ever seen the Basin.