Truth

Nope, not interested in being the one. It's really not possible anyway. As an illusion, sure, but the real me isn't that compelling.

I'm much more interested in composing and transcribing all the material, and I'm not integrating them to any autobiographical contexts. I've been thinking of my Irish musical again, and the text I want to set from the Perfumed Garden.

It's either new songs or no songs or folk songs, the way I see it, if you're unrelenting. Honestly, I think my screen test was a failure - I looked too ugly.

And while this AI shit is funny for a short film, it's not really viable for a feature.

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My view is that the Plaything will reveal the way forward, regardless of which project other people wish I'd pursue. It's the acid test, literally.

I'm not doing Tina, I'm writing the book. I'm not going to magically heal, and I'd rather not perpetuate that illusion either.

Having money from WINZ is nice, but it's like they paid me for 3 months of suffering which could have been avoided with clearer communication.

It's not like I intentionally went on strike. My equipment was broken due to my mental instability.

I'm not doing it again. I'm really not interested in relearning my songs, and I'll be using my IP ownership as a waiver.

I love those songs, but I'm not that person anymore. 🥝 - The projector on the tarp was quite good. I'm still too poor to rent the National Library. I think I'll probably try Thistle Hall, though Gary reckons that's a shit venue for a movie. My plea to the professionals: give me 6 months to hone the screenplay for Shipwrecked before saying no -- I still think it's the best idea, and reckon I can come up with new action scenes as good as the ferry one. I'm not interested in Shipwrecked if it's a rent rip-off. That's my only answer: no. I'll either only use them in the Dakumentary (which would be a solution) or finish the 2030 project. I'm honestly not coming back, and I'm not interested in making nice with people who lacked the courage to tell me that they hated me. I'm not playing the concerto, but I have a great idea for a music film: Dawn at Parliament. My version of the Beatles film - if you want to do it with some pre-filmed documentary footage, I guess we could. The main thing is a 20-30 minute concert at Dawn with the NZ flags and the Beehive in the shot. - I'm not going back, I'm not playing myself, and I'd rather be anywhere but Wellington. I love the city, but I feel like it's time for a break. I'm enjoying Golden Springs, despite it all being old people. I'm not doing it. Stop thinking I'm a star because you're into me... that's the mistake. The vibe I get is that most people think I'm too much, and super-gay. That's certainly the vibe here in rural NZ, while Wellington is mostly pro-Amanda (though I'm a pain). - Dakta's got Britain's Got Talent on -- it's so treacly I left the room. I'd rather be in jail. I think it's a safer environment for me than uni. If you think drugs are the problem, you are aware that the temptation at uni would be everywhere, and that's not healthy from that perspective. Those people just want to laugh at me because they think I'm retarded. That's why I'm not able to see their apologies as genuine. People who really felt like apologising would have done so to my face, and the rest of you probably are seeing me as a walking paycheque. It's lonely at the top, but regardless of all expert advice, I'm sticking with my 2030 story. - I could do house arrest. That's something I could see as plausible. If I have the funds, then I can get food delivered. One of my non-romantic delusions is that I think I might have ALS. It's more likely that the lithium has decreased my coordination, as that's a real side-effect, but I'm a hypocondriac. I'm not really keen to be a rockstar. I regret that Amanda Michelina phase, though the music was undeniably epic. Spanx was my solution re: underwear, by the way. That's a two-fer: it tones my butt too. - Another delusion is that Stephen died in May 2018, and everything after that accident was an elaborate hoax. I'm really crazy; I'm highly self-aware, but certifiably nuts. Depression is my mood atm. That's why I bailed on the acid. - People who think I could be like I was are wrong. That's why I'm going on the Disability Allowance (I think...) -- I'm really not likely to heal if the carrot is public humiliation. If you're wondering why I don't sing anymore around town: I don't feel like it. I'm very cautious about my voice; plus I'm preserving it after the screams. Re: guitar, it's mostly my caution regarding the Street Performer's license -- I know that people really like the street performances, but I'm not interested in more than that. Tbh for me, 2020 was the peak for enjoyment, and since then playing in public has mostly been a bummer. It's silly, but I'm happy with my albums. - Plus while I'm not working with my brother anymore, I still feel like he was hard done by, and his anger was possibly justified. I'm fully aware that there's no alcohol around. I'm definitely more keen to keep smoking weed than to keep drinking booze. I'm starting to feel the effects of drinking - I've had acid reflux recently. - I saw Chloe's number when I was at RNZ, but I never called her. I'm too shy. Usually, I fall in love when working together on projects. -