To Tory, Nadine and Sarah

Well, I think it's fairly plain that you or your staffers are reading my blog. I emailed Tory about that rainbow crossing redesign, as well as the safe consumption centre idea that Gary floated, so she's probably aware of who I am. Given this, let's skip a few steps: I'm serious about the apology. - I recognise that it's galling that this creep is campaigning for an apology after ruining Chloe's life, but let's think of it another way: since that evening, I've been lashing out and that's probably why this feud has gotten to this stage. Wasn't my preference, but I'm not willing to produce Weeded Out, and I think you're treating restorative justice as a one-way street. I feel like you diminished my mana, so I'm seeking redress for that. Perhaps me and all my 'creditors' (as if I'm in debt for writing a spec) could find some other project that accomplishes both goals. - To the NZSM: if you have to have a special lecture to explain my identity, then it's obviously not the place for me. The wānanga isn't that fussed. - Being told to detransition didn't build trust, and didn't demonstrate respect for my gender identity. Being told to film a script without having a real meeting about it was deeply irritating, and highly unprofessional. - I might talk a big game in the park when I'm making my voice memos, but that's a way of venting. Same vibes at home, but that's more like a home studio atm. Unlike you, I don't live in a highly sanitised world, full of bland, inoffensive speech. - As for this year: the only real improvement was that I'm not screaming so much. Otherwise, I'm still getting stoned and drunk, and I'm still bipolar and paranoid. My death anxieties are quite intense. This year's been really hard from that pov. - It'd be fair to say that I've felt like a criminal for most of the last few years, and that you're totally threatening charges as a way of coercing me to make the movie. That's sad. And it's not going to work. Even if I went to jail, I'd still own the script. This feud has definitely gotten me caring about local government in a totally new way, but I'm deeply disillusioned. It's even worse than central government: we're slipping down the transparency index, and corruption is finally an open discussion, so it's fair to say that it sometimes feels like the fix is in as an observer of NZ Politics. That's the dark arts part of what you guys do that really annoys me as a pauper without the advertising budget to match your campaigns: like, NZ Politics finally has a huge swing vote, and these cleverly planned Oscars-style campaigns are creating PR manias rather than debates of substance. Tory's campaign is a real obvious example; that's one of the parts of pro politics that I really hate. - It amuses me that my videos feed into your superstitions. Sorta figured that in 2020, but didn't really feel like following up when I saw that Chloe was looking for an assistant after she'd won the electorate. Bear in mind that I campaigned as a single-issue person in 2020, so it's not like I didn't have the skills to do it, and the pay was good. But it was in Auckland, so that was why I didn't apply. 2023 was a lot more fun! Those cartoons took the piss out of everyone (except TPM). - If you really gave a shit about my wellbeing, you'd have bought the movie script. That would've been good for me: confidence booster, and some money that I could've used to travel or to do something cool. So, yeah, if y'all agree to cool it about the movie script, then I'll calm down and probably start relaxing those boycotts. - I feel like you owe me an apology because there are several apologies from me that are floating around YouTube. I'm not saying I'm a good person, but I realise that I'm acting like a crazy person (and I do feel guilty about it). It's just something that I feel very strongly about: the type of jokes that were made are the reason that trans people have high levels of psychological distress, and it didn't have any of that queer, reclaiming type of vibe. It felt like a dagger in the back, and it's definitely had a ripple effect. Think about it -- I'm actually fairly well; I'm just angry. Even though today is more of a depressed day, I'm still angry. Ciao!