To the FTAC

Look, I think I've made it pretty clear that the problem for me was linked to this whole Tina story.

Up until I started re-writing that, I wasn't being an idiot.

I really like my cartoons, but I think the idea of starring was toxic to me and the pressure from other people to keep going was really unhealthy. The same thing happened with my brother.

- We're not actors, but that's the pressure that we felt .. from people who laugh behind our backs. 🤬 If people had been willing to fund our non-autobiographical ideas - Stephen genuinely tried to interest the Film Commission with his Symbalah script, and some ideas he'd developed with Floris - then we wouldn't have fallen into that trap. - When I say I need support, what I mean is I need help filling out CNZ applications for my albums and fewer people who are afraid of me telling me to 'be a guy'. I may be dissociative, but the trans identity is genuine and real. So respecting my name and pronouns are things that genuinely help my wellbeing. That's what gender-affirming means. 👍

- As for attending Parliament: as was plain this week, the cannabis movement isn't just me and Gary. That's me being a mascot, essentially. Julie-Anne Genter waved to us, and people generally seem to dig me. Maybe the security guards are just being nice, but nobody's stopped me from attending. We can discuss that, but the actual evidence is that I've never even spoken to Chloe on Parliament Grounds. I'm an artist -- I like her, but I'm realistic. I find her inspiring, but honestly I'm not someone who attacks people physically, and as we can see I'm well aware of everything to do with NZ politics... I may be fixated on Chloe, but the songs are show tunes from musicals, and I've been very scrupulous about explaining the contexts. 👍 - I was pissed-off with Jacinda and Labour (I hate the Nats more .. their heckles in the House are so annoying!), but saying that my Shipwrecked on Islands song incited violence is a massive stretch. I was pro-lockdowns, and that's what I thought the song was about. My vision: 'the lockdowns are fine, but let's not forget the real issues.' That's what I thought the song was about. - It's a pop song... the Sex Pistols said similar shit. It's punk.

Plus there's this gem from the NZ catalogue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8frPD7DgqI&ab_channel=chillblue07 Plus, I might add that the violence occurred after I'd already said I disagreed with the protestors. So, again, I can't control my fans, and the conspiracy nuts are all angry with me for saying that I disapproved. That's what Stephen (my brother) told me. - I was trans well before I started smoking weed. I started crossdressing when I was 11. I knew then what I was. The weed gives me confidence, that's all. If I'd been allowed to come out when I was 11 or 12, I'd probably be well-adjusted, but instead I had to stay in the closet for over a decade so I could become a good musician. - Look, I'm not interested in theatre. I'm not opposed to gigs, but I'm not keen either. I decided after 2020 that I wanted to mostly be a recording artist. I'm not doing the series. Simply no, the series is why I lost my mind. That's why it's shelved. Only the book. I want to do a prose version. I think that would be therapeutic. Theatre isn't therapy, and nor is performing; that's what Red Scare and Terry Shore believe, but I do not believe that because it isn't my experience. I hated the acting paper that I took. I got an A-, but I hated it. It was boring, and I did not fit in with those people. They're not my tribe. I find writing therapeutic. I loved writing the Tina script, I loved writing Pan's Preludes; attempting to realise those drove me insane. - I'm not tucking my dick. That's seriously not healthy. That's transphobia, to be totally blunt. 🤬

- Re: Shipwrecked on Islands - the screenplay. Hey, I think that's really good. It might be chillingly plausible, but I'm not privy to any information about how the NZDF or the SIS etc. operate.

I'm just guessing. I set it in the future, I haven't even revealed which political party Edgar belongs to. It could be a made-up one if the National Party are pissed off. And clearly RNZ were keen on that script. So I'm committed to realising that, but I'm fine to write it and let someone else direct.. While re: me -- if it's animated, then I might voice Jo, but I still think people should hear me out about vocal registers and let a real singer (like Alexandra or Hannah) try those songs. - Watching myself on-camera isn't good for my gender dysphoria. I'm probably body dysmorphic too .. people calling me fat hasn't helped, and I do starve myself when I think I'm too fat. So, that's a legacy from high school... it's sorta hard to take Salina seriously after that, and she damn well remembers that. 🐸