To the city of Wellington

Yes, I think my Movie Orgy is cool. No, I'm not interested in reprising any of it.

I plain and simple do not want to make any variation on my autobiography. I'm not a movie star, and I have no desire to become one. -

Particularly those who wanted to make it a musical - fuck off. Write your own songs, tell your own stories without me.

I'm not part of your lives, and the only reason you want my series is because you wish you were in the first set.

I've set my path, and it has nothing to do with acting. I'm so sick of people thinking I'm my characters: no, I'm not.

I'm not Rachel, I'm not Tim/Tina. If you really knew me, you'd discover that. 👋 -

This harsh business side is genuine and authentic. It's not easy to make films: if it were, everyone would do it.

If you'd paid me for my script, I would have listened to the input, but ultimately I hated the notes, and that is why I've refused.

I'm sick of feeling like I'm trying to win approval. I'm over that phase. The townsfolk can think what they want of me... can't please everyone, and I think there's lots of supporters, as well as complainers. I live a colourful life. Lots of composers do.

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While I'm obviously interested in serious music again, I've chosen a project that is deliberately small-scale and something I could record almost anywhere.

I'm genuinely applying for jobs, and some of those are Auckland-based jobs.

The Shipwrecked on Islands musical is the reason I get up in the morning, so I'm not throwing that away. I thought my demo of the album was sweet, so hopefully if my life is more settled, I can finish arranging the songs. I plan to finish the screenplay before condensing it for the album.

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I may cry poor a lot for a trust fund kid, but I'm hardly flush with cash, and that's why I'm bitter; yeah, sure, my music is a cultural phenomenon, but I'm saddled with debt and struggle to hold paying jobs. It pleases me to know that I spend less than my competitors, but I wish I'd written a hit.

Whether people want to adapt my musicals for the stage: well, I'm fine with that but I'm not really keen to be part of it. I'd really hope that nobody writes extra songs for Portrait of a Knight -- I think as a one-act piece that it'd be fairly solid without any adjusting of the score. I'm not changing the lyric, but again, people re-write W.S. Gilbert, so have at it if you're so PC that you can't handle the 'spade' lyric. Theatre isn't my medium. I barely go to plays, so I don't really care if they fuck it up. 👍 -

I should set up a screening for the RP Movie Orgy too. If people are really reading, I'm looking for a venue to test the Dakumentary (and the RP Orgy).

As for the dramas around my nom-de-plume: when I say 'deserving of love', I have a really strange notion of what love is due to the whole ace thing. I think the Orgy conveys that, and it's perhaps not coincidental that Michelle Kan wrote Portrait with us. My takeaway from this saga: people think I seem dumb from my movies, then they're surprised that I'm literate and articulate ... I'm shy, so the tapes were a good way to demonstrate my sharper side for those who hadn't met me. It'd be sweet to upscale and grade all the footage, but that's a future discussion. I'm still fairly limited re: my funds and technology, which probably isn't helping my mental stability. The dumb phone and the smart phone without a SIM is a success for me, but I wish my laptop could render shit... it sort-of feels like losing an arm. Plus no Sibelius... that's depressing.