The perpetual feedback loop

If there's a difference between the rough-and-tumble 1970's of Carmen's heyday and the surveillance capitalism of today, it's that. The perpetual feedback loop of social media, including porn, was weaponised to attempt to control me since 2020. I didn't have a moment of true freedom in those four years, and I'm still being spied on 24/7 for a crush that got out-of-hand precisely because the people spying on me used that as a way of controlling me. The songs were pretty much my sole form of freedom, and that is probably why I was hesitant to notate them. I haven't done anything remotely physically abusive, despite taking a few beatings, and my online actions clearly aren't actionable. My crazy eyes at Parliament are also a-ok, despite the discomfort that many MPs might feel. So, when the pressure got too intense, I blocked my Facebook news feed permanently, which meant it became all about the porn. If I'm to take the statements that people made in that medium at face value, they genuinely believed that I was some kind of sicko and possibly a paedophile, even though there was no evidence of that. That is pure transphobia, and in fact is one of the most commonly used tactics to discredit trans women (passing or non-passing). That is what I'm demanding compensation regarding: there was no trial, there was no evidentiary hearing, and to date there have been precisely zero charges filed against me as a drug dealer, a flasher or a sex offender. If I'm not insane, VUW was responsible for this, and their psychology department has a lot to answer for in regards to their 'treatment' -- I wasn't enrolled, and I wasn't a criminal in the legal sense, so what could have possibly possessed them to do this? Oh wait, because people at the NZSM told them a bunch of lies and half-truths that were based on a younger me who literally hadn't been a student for 5 years by that point, and because they were trying to discredit me and my claims that Jake had sexually assaulted me because he was their golden boy. Indecent assault is a form of sexual assault. I was technically correct, and that incident is why I'm unable to love. - And now all those dickheads are trying to pretend like they didn't get some kind of visceral thrill from their attempts to manipulate me, and that I'm the sexual deviant. They lost the IP debate, even though it took over a year to prove a true statement that I had made in April 2023. On the plus side, my new stories are firmly copyrighted, as I initially published them on this blog (which has a copyright statement). I'm guessing that VUW worked out the NZSM people were a bunch of arseholes, and that my saga probably played into their desire to can the school. I still want compensation that isn't about being Tina, and I think it should be monetary compensation for the four years where I was virtually unemployable. So, stop offering me an MA or DMA, and pay me the $50,000 if you're so hot to use my IP to build a tourist brochure for international students. That's the price, and that's because that draft took over two years to write. - The really sad part is that now I'm so used to the feedback loop that it's genuinely difficult for me to make my own decisions. That's how badly they broke me, and that really isn't defensible. I wasn't a criminal in any legal sense. The Police genuinely seem to like me, and I think that they would have hauled me in if there'd even been a whiff of indecent exposure or any other criminal activity. I mean, they arrested my brother loads of times, and they arrested Gary and Dakta. Like, you can say that the hui was 'in lieu of', but I highly doubt that and that's certainly not due process. The legal system is quite clear that people are innocent until proven guilty, and I think that y'all discovered via stalking me that my masturbating habits are actually quite normal for a trans person. You presumed guilt, and I think I should be compensated for that assumption. That is what I'm asking for from the Wellingtonians that think I should be more like Gareth or be Tina. I want to be compensated for your bigotry, particularly after you tried to tell me to detransition when I moved to Johnsonville (Owen). That doesn't mean doing gigs for your benefit. That means paying me fairly for being rude to me about my activism, my philosophy and my refusal to budge when it became clear that there were significant creative differences that made collaborating impossible. So, read this: think on it, pray on it, and either pay me the money or respect my firmly stated desire for all you privileged wankers to fuck off and stop spying on my private life. - For Stu: this isn't mania. It's the B12 shots: I've suddenly got a shitload more energy, and my urine flow is much stronger.