Me and Ms. Swarbrick: dispelling the myths
- Amanda Riddell
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- Nov 2, 2024
- 1 min read
I Got Lost In Her Arms had nothing to do with her. I recorded the track for Michelle, who had skipped out on the open mic part of the Bluegrass gig, and the video was an animation of Ethel Merman, who originated the role.
Didn't really start stalking her socials until 2022. I saw her in the news, but that was about it. Think I saw Ok Chloe; I did some research on her to build Joanne in 2021.
I'm avoidant. That's why I'm not massively keen to chat IRL. Plus that was all made worse by the whole creepy serial killer vibe that people were throwing at me when they interrogated me. Now I'm avoiding her cos I'm afraid I'd get in trouble if I were to contact her.
Knew she had a girlfriend. Figured my feelings were just a crush, but eventually it became something else cos I kept coming to Question Time to shoot the breeze with Gary. I'm somewhat surprised to find out she really does have feelings for me.
Basically, I preferred it when it was more of an abstract thing, but there's certainly some upsides to this silly trolling thing that we're doing. Being told that my way of feeling love was basically wrong is a feeling that I won't forget, and it's doubly annoying cos that erotomania diagnosis never ended up on my sheet.
I like her, but I've never been willing to upend my life to hang out with her. I'm keen to move cities, but it's a bit beyond my means.
I knew Nadine existed, but it wasn't something I thought about. As I say, Ken Levine used to put photos of Natalie Wood on his blog as a celebrity crush thing, so I guess that's what I did with Chloe. She's got that kind of cultish devotion, which is actually something that creeps me out slightly.
Yeah, so I saw her around in late 2018 and in 2019, but not in 2020-2022. Like, maybe I saw her in Parliament briefly in 2021, but that was about it. There was an event that I was supposed to go to, but I bailed to take LSD.
It's not all positive fantasies. I also have my own fears: given that a lot of people have hit me, I'm naturally afraid that potential partners might do that. It's particularly bad cos I'm into pain, even though it's usually the self-inflicted kind. So, yeah, I tend to have these worst case scenario fantasies that derive from all those horrible things that happened to me since I came out. A scenario of being beaten and subjugated, then violated. It's not something I'm really into, but it's something that I imagine.