I genuinely hate performing

That's not a joke. The tapes aren't auditions; they're just something I do for fun. But I don't find playing for a crowd fun. I've literally never liked it - that's the downside of growing up in a highly competitive environment full of sods. - It's not remotely interesting to me to do a lame Daffodils or Once knock-off. That's insulting -- my EP songs deserve to be heard in a context that I want them heard in, which is the radio play/concept album. And I'm not going to want to do any cabaret or burlesque evenings. I don't go to those, I'm not interested in the nightlife all that much -- I prefer to walk around town and ramble. - For those who think 'oh, it's therapy' due to the Terry Shore doco: no, that's his opinion; that's not my opinion. I don't find performing therapeutic. I find it a stressor that tends to drive me crazy, and that's why I've never pursued a performing career. It's a failure of our institutions that I've had to pay my own way, but now at least I can hold my head up high and refuse any help. While I'm immensely proud of my recordings. That's something that brings me joy, plus I love the process of making albums too. If only people had bought them... 🤑 - I don't see the mental health angle -- people who mocked me now feel bad about that, while for me all I want is to be left alone. I'm sick of the attitudes of the Wellingtonians. How many of you have spoken to me in the last 3 years? 👎 Seriously: if you stalk me, it'd be best if you just forgot about any hopes of persuading me about most gig offers. It's not happening; I've put my foot down and said no. If you want me to write something: I'm there for you. If you want me to act or sing, fuck off. I'm not keen, and if you're really trying to help me, then fucking listen when I say what my triggers are. And that includes fiction movies. I'm probably making non-fiction for the forseeable future, and that doesn't mean any more docos about me. One was plenty -- I haven't been able to re-watch the whole Dak film because I'm cringing about the Big Smoke. I think it's a good movie, but it's very personal. I'm surprised I shared that much about myself to thousands of people, but I felt like it was a good idea and the music was dope. - It's genuinely not helping my mental health that my family don't speak to me and neither do most of my so-called friends. It's nice that Mum took my side after Dad died, but yeah, none of my rellies speak to me. While my friends... I'm a shy introvert, so I'm not good at reaching out. Plus after you've been crazy like I've been (or seen), it doesn't seem prudent to let people into my madness, particularly if they've got grudges about things I've said. It'd be nice if people bothered to check in on me. But, now that I've typed that, I feel like it's a guilt trip and that's lame. 👋