'give back'

This is what people think I should do after my Dakumentary: go back to VUW, and teach. I refuse. The success of the film doesn't change the incredibly stubborn resistance that I faced regarding Shipwrecked 2030 - which everyone wanted to cancel, until that recent second reading - or the condescension that Victoria University of Wellington has demonstrated towards me. Simply put: I don't want to teach spoiled rich kids, and I have the right to say no. - If VUW had supported my career, perhaps we'd be having a different conversation, but that simply wasn't the case. Instead, people laughed behind my back; I have a long memory for stuff like that. - I studied privately with Michael Bell, and I'm open to teaching in that context. In fact, I want private students to supplement my income. 👍 I also believe that the shows themselves are a form of teaching, and if you gave me a significant amount of money to do my 2030 cast album/concept album, then a number of tertiary-age students would get an opportunity to work with professionals. That's the upside of writing a show where students are the heroes. - I just refuse to make Shipwrecked under VUW's auspices, or to do Tina either. If I did that, I wouldn't get paid for my IP. Instead, VUW would get a great PR ad, and I'd have a film that failed because the bean counters hate me and hate my politics (and think they're better than me... that's the real truth -- they still think that my success is a fluke). They can simply pay me for my Tina script, or leave me alone, and that cease and desist was supposed to indicate that the negotiation is over, and that was my final statement. - I refuse to perform any roles on stage or screen. It wasn't healthy for me, and there is no way of fixing that. I simply don't want to, and after 6 years of being the lead in a real-life soap opera, I've had enough. Plus it's my editing and shooting that really shine in the Dak film, while my music is fine.

I'm a much more talented director and writer than as a screen presence. - If forgiveness is conditional on 'giving back', then it's not forgiveness (or love). Love is supposed to be unconditional, and the anti-trans feelings that I got from many people that considered themselves to be my friends was rather insulting.

As far as I'm concerned, your desire to watch me perform is lustful, given that I've literally told people to meet me for lunch or hang out to prove that we're still friends. If you're not willing to meet me for lunch, then why should I sing for you? If you want me to go back to being cis-passing and straight because that's more convenient for you - and avoids an open conversation about my gender expression - then you're actually being transphobic. If you haven't even met me as Amanda, then how can you know how it feels, or how many eyes might be on you for socialising with the trannie? Particularly from a tertiary institution, those anti-trans things were not just insulting but indicative of the attitude that pisses me off about elitists. Like, a goodly number of the students are probably 'genderfluid', so why single me out?