So, what do I want?

Now that I've brought negotiations to a standstill with my stubborness and tenacity, here's a few ideas: 1. I want this pressure to simply cease.

I don't need an explanation or apology, I just want the Tina pressure to end now and forever.

2. I want the freedom to pursue my political party and to attempt to grow my membership and get that money. That's a valid idea and totally fair.

3. I want people to acknowledge that I got a medical certificate exempting me from work until February, and that means that you will cease until then.

4. I want people to consider how they may have led me on and made me think that they were romantically interested in me, rather than blaming me entirely for these situations.

I'm not saying Chloe led me on, but I'm definitely saying that Michelle and Sarah did. - I'd also like to discuss whether that erotomania diagnosis was fair or jumping to conclusions: Chloe's the only instance where that might be the case, but to me she's not from another social class -- she's the leader of the drugs campaign, and I'm a somewhat prominent member of that team. So, as I said, it's more like having feelings for a coworker (like Eilish) than an irrational belief. I'm often manic, and mania results in changes to libido. As I've proven, I didn't have feelings for Sondheim and I can't think of another instance... Jane and Barbara were also friends and coworkers, so that's a more realistic assessment imo. Liking older women isn't a crime. Hero crushes are common. That's totally normal, particularly in classical music and science. Love doesn't mean eros, and that's why I'm challenging that diagnosis. To develop that point, here's an extract from a book: How Sondheim Found His Sound by Steve Swayne (p. 10) "It seems appropriate to refer to Ravel as Sondheim's childhood musical sweetheart, considering how well Sondheim's love of Ravel is documented and how far back that love goes. And like one who sings the praises of a first crush, Sondheim has made claims for Ravel that are enormous if not downright oversized... 'that is to say, his harmonic influence, all the secondary sevenths, is what pop music has existed on even into the age of rock' ... Most scholars would disagree with Sondheim about Ravel's influence on popular music. Much of American popular music derives both its harmonic and its rhythmic contours from African and African-American roots. The seventh chords that make up the basic 12-bar blues form, coupled with harmonic substitutions - the secondary sevenths - that every competent jazz player knows, have far greater resonance in pop music harmony than does the sonic world created by Ravel." [...] "Another reason was his academic connection with the piece [the Left-Hand concerto]: 'One of the reasons that I would take it to the island is not only that I love it, but it's also the subject of my senior thesis in college. So it's something that I spent a lot of time with and got to love as much as maybe Ravel loved it himself.' - I'm a virgin, and I dislike being touched. I think it's fair to suggest that I might be talking about a different kind of love than most people, and that people simply attributed my enthusiasms to sexual love because I'm gay. Plus my 'friends' seeing thirtysomething and Ed (because I shared them) and presuming things due to that irritating assumption that I was 'autistic' -- I liked those shows, but it never made me think that I'd end up with Barbara or Jane. That's TV. I'm acutely aware of the difference between TV and real life. I may have wished it, but I never believed it. That's my attitude, and I think that's a valid statement that I hope the doctors take into consideration. As they were surprised to find out, I didn't really envisage a future with Chloe, despite the obsession. My mind is complicated, but my sexual practice is a solo one. Being trans and living as a cis person is like keeping secrets from yourself, so that's probably why all the code obsessions (which people have exploited in ways that have really upset me). -

Rich people typically don't do searching emotional inventories and pore over their lives. No, that's what poor people do, and that's why I'm (possibly) a more well-rounded person than my detractors/secret admirers. Compared to the 19th Century Australia that I was just reading about, we're amazingly well-off, but these shitty boarding houses are a sign of the staggering wealth inequality that my well-to-do 'friends' probably haven't encountered. I think they're rubberneckers, to be blunt. They want to see the poor person drag her way out of trouble, but they don't want to be friends with me or have dinner with me.