If my neighours really wanted to help me, they would have. As in, they would have bothered to write rather than stalking.
That's how I feel about all this. Given you put up with my emails (as do Jane and Barbara), it's genuinely frustrating that neither the Film Commission or any of the potential partner companies ever bothered to write a single word of encouragement. Jane told me she liked the Preludes. 😀 Like, Paddy hasn't replied about my scripts, and so far neither the Film Commission, Red Scare or VUW has bothered to actually get in touch to say 'hey, we like this, and we might give you $1 million' .. if they'd done that, I might have felt differently. But this sneaky bullshit pissed me off, and that's a good enough reason to say no. I can see why Tory and Tam are bummed that I don't want to produce it, but as I say, the idea would survive another queen playing Tina (or whatever name they prefer), and I'd still get paid for the script if they (ie TVNZ or the Film Commission) wanted most of my characters and situations.
I don't want to direct either. That's not happening -- yes, I used real life while developing the roto technique, but I think it would be equally as applicable to enhancing traditional stop-motion. While the Dakumentary is the cartoon that I dreamed of making. Tina isn't me. If she were, I'd have students and a proper job, but I don't, so clearly she isn't me. 🎞
- I also don't believe a soap opera could legalise weed, so don't try that tranche again... no, it won't. The problem isn't public perception: public polls suggest NZ is in favour of decriminalising weed. The problem is the fucking Labour Government and their lack of political courage. So, the only real way to win legal drugs is to vote Green or Maori. As I said in 2020. - It also wouldn't help with my trans stuff: your desire to cake me in makeup and make me undergo a traditional transition is at odds with my own desires, and therefore such a Tina would not be useful re: the law change. Gender expression in the workplace being a protected right would mean a lot to me. It's why I find it hard to find/keep jobs .. people think they're ok with a trannie, but IRL a lot of people are very uncomfortable, and that pisses me off. Particularly the closet cases who think they had the right to tell me how to be... no, you guys are chickens, and I'm a gurl who went out there and played tunes for the weed cause. And took the heat for my gender expression. Therefore, my pussy enemy can just piss off and accept I'm not playing Tina. No means no, and it also means 'bother to actually pay me next time you stalk me' .. that's what should have happened. That's why I'm pissed at VUW and Red Scare. They should have paid me. -
No, Cass. No means no.
I'm not letting you anywhere near my material.
I simply do not want you in my stuff. And that is because a) you stalk me.
b) I really disliked your songs.
c) I'm not interested in your financial situation, other than it's much better than mine.
So your MFA and your prizes don't mean shit to me; you might be a brown banana, but ultimately your attitude pisses me off.
You can't do what I do. And frankly, I'm not interested in musical theatre dance choreography. That's the main reason I give basically no shits about you as a songwriter.
I hate the choreography of modern stage shows, and that's why I refuse. I don't want that sort of dancing in any of my films. It's lame, and that's why I reckon La La Land sucked balls -- it had shit choreography and average voices.
- More rant:
It's too busy, it's too much, and the sets are too real. At least opera still embraces abstract art as part of the set design.
But either way, I despise how much money theatre people get for producing something I fucking despise. They now get to either buy me out or back off for good. That's the only option I'm giving them. I hate your attitude, James and Cass, and that is the simple reason why I refuse to work with you. I'll never budge. Stop hounding me. -
As for the uni: nothing will persuade me. Back the fuck off.
-
So yes, you [the spies] may think you have insights into me, but you have yet to meet me. You have no idea how I am or who I am, just that you wish I'd let you write lyrics. -
I don't want to help my neighbours.
The reason: my neighbours aren't helping me. They're just trying to exploit me.
Part of why I like Maori-world is that people get it when I say I'm not keen to play/sing.
It's nice when I do, but people get that it's not everything that I'm about.
Like, when the girls from the jobseeking course saw my place, they thought it was very spiritual. Whereas I think Pakeha mostly focus on the clutter rather than the art. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not interested in live work, stop asking, and let me do what I want with my life, rather than telling me what I 'should' do.. nobody likes that sort of advice, and it's only served to piss me off and make me go mental. So, let's all accept this truth: 'Amanda isn't an actress. Amanda isn't mentally capable of being an actress, therefore we'll stop asking her to be one. Amanda doesn't want to direct the Tina show; ok, let's help her with the one she wants to make.'
-
As for whether I'm a bully: well, everyone abuses power. What's the phrase... 'absolute power corrupts absolutely'? .. think that's the right one.
I certainly feel like all my spies (incl. Chloe) have abused their power over me. -
No, I'm not interested in entertaining people with a soap. And I'm not giving up my songs. That's just not happening.
So -- those who want Tina can buy the screenplay, but my songs are simply not for sale.
I'm not integrating them to my story. No, they're for another story. -
If everyone finally backs the fuck off about Tina, I'll be happy.
I don't want to be her. I'm sick of trying to be nice: I'd rather be Amanda and stir up some shit. That's why I'm a successful pundit, and minor celebrity, while the niceness is mostly bullshit social pleasantries that only people who aren't broke all the fucking time can afford. -
I don't plan to do any more sketches. Until I have a new camera or money to pay camera people, that's a moot point.
While writing costs basically $0, other than the booze I use to fuel my writing.
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