Justifying myself

Well, I don't think I should have had to, but needless to say I'm very good at it. I honestly think it's a bit pathetic that people are essentially judging my mental despair and saying (in my head) "we'll only help you if..." - and for those who think sobriety will help me are utterly wrong. - Simply put: all the shit you actually like about my work is produced with the drugs. And if I'm not flatting with anyone, that's because I had a series of shitty housing experiences that have made this a preferable option. People don't judge me in my building, and that's a nice feeling which isn't what anyone artsy is putting across. - That's why the critique: it comes from the place of "I'm broke, and you people are laughing behind my back" -- hence the point of it is to take those people down a few pegs. But hey, I'm not Ethan: he actually named the Candle-wasters for a Bad Man sketch .. - My answer remains the same: I don't need or want the help of any theatre companies or the uni, and your attitudes towards me are why I refuse, Everyone else see's Amy's mental breakdown as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I see a series of horrible events where absolutely none of you were there for me, and that's how I feel about the Welly arts scene. - While I feel differently re: the cannabis whanau. Who totally were there for me: hence a show that is designed to humanise those people, and is rather indifferent to humanising Welly artists. Everyone who read themselves into my script was wrong. Those aren't your lives: they're lives of people who I know. And yeah, I don't really give a shit if Salina or Cassandra feels Caliope is them or if Jake read Sean as himself: that wasn't my intention, and this is why writers are often persnickety little shits. I wrote a drama about my world, and the lot of you aren't part of it. You just wish you were... but that's just because I write well rather than because my real life is fun (it isn't). - As for if you wanna sing my songs, just wait... I think by 2024 that most people will have basically forgotten the occupation, and my songs will still be strong. I don't want to play Jo, and I don't really want to deal with anyone who feels Weeded Out slighted them. I didn't use real names, and tbh I think compared to the musical the commentary is very tame. I don't need humanising btws -- I've done a pretty amazing job of that for myself, so the show is kaupapa-focused rather than all that crap. But let's be real: if you have a problem with my drug use, I don't want you to be part of the show. Cannabis isn't harmful, and I don't drive, so that's a non-issue. - Here's my challenge: Given most of you from film world know Stephen and don't know me at all, I challenge you to meet me. As for actors and such (who also don't know me very well): meet me, but I'll be honest, I'm not casting anyone on names alone, and I'm not giving up the drugs. It's my script, it's my world, and I think anyone who has spied on me extensively will have realised that stoned me is simply more chill and easier to handle than sober me. - I troll people because it amuses me. That's all there is to it: I think it's amusing and it vents the delusions of grandeur that are part of managing bipolar disorder. 👍 As I've shown with the political activism, I'm willing to write when it matters, but tbh I think the snark is more fun than that, and also that NZ celebrities could use a boot up the arse for being pompous pricks (the irony being richly obvious, of course). - Cannabis isn't meth. And if I seem like a speed freak, bear in mind that's because I can literally move like lightning on the guitar, and that took a certain mindset -- maybe I have ADHD but, like autism, it has never been diagnosed. I'm not apologising, and I'm also not stopping. Why read me if you know it's all junk? I think that speaks to the vanity of some of my stalkers, presuming that famous people occasionally read my shit. - Ultimately, if you don't wanna work with me as I am, I don't need celebrities -- it's an indie thing, so I'd rather produce myself and I'm sure there are people who would work on it with me. - Basically: if you've been hearing rumours about me since uni, it's because I'm universally disliked. ☘️ Except in music, where apparently I had fans. Only the screen persona has ever been liked by people. Real me is generally ostracised, and then people realise I see the world a certain way because I'm an outsider. - I burned some bridges, and honestly I'm proud of that. It's nice to not have to bother thinking about what some people think. It's simple, in my view: everyone who hates me probably should examine their own sense of prejudice. I'm not my twin, though, and I haven't seen most of what he's posted since the start of the occupation. So yeah... ✌️