it's not autism

Seriously, I've had several years to mull this over with professionals, and every time I suggest that diagnosis, the psychiatrists say it's unlikely. I'm highly self-aware and also clearly aware enough of others to spin a good yarn; my most recent psychiatric evaluation concluded that I might have some symptoms of autism, but not enough to be diagnostically significant. It's my manias that are the reason I end up in hospital emergency rooms, and probably also why people avoid me. While my depression results in me telling harsh truths, then getting paranoid about potential repercussions. - I'm mostly happy with how the community mental health team have worked with me, and I think they've done well with the trans issues (though it took a wee while). It's my moods that are spiralling, and that's probably a reaction to feeling cornered and insecure. - Here's a doodle I wrote (probably while working for RNZ): Autism isn’t the problem with me and society. My quasi-autistic traits are prized by employers, while my florid moods are a minus. That’s the mood disorder, which actually is diagnosed, as is my gender dysphoria. ... Points against an autism diagnosis: people often remark on my empathy skills, and they also tend to think I’m a very clear communicator. Those aren’t traits autistic people typically have: to be fancy, I have a solid theory of mind, and that’s how I’m able to write catchy earworms or incisive character studies. ... Points for an autism diagnosis: I dislike change, I’m set in my ways, and I’m relentless. I have a rare disease to start with, and there’s a reason the doctors who examined me IRL came up with bipolar rather than autism. I asked about DID, and they didn’t reckon that .. cannabis is a dissociative, as is alcohol - it’s a symptom of drug addiction (another real diagnosis, though only the cannabis use disorder was diagnosed). -

I don’t mind being an addict. I have an addictive personality, and the drug/alcohol use is definitely self-medicating. I'm probably going to buy a smoke buddy. That'll smooth over some of my boarding house qualms; I've tested how loud my sounds are, and it's only really the person beside me who would hear most of it -- the walls are surprisingly thick.